January 14, 2004:
Hello to all you intelligent and privileged people who are part of the sacred cult of QOTW!I am aware that this e-mail is a whopping 4 days late...and for this I humbly beg your forgiveness. However, if I hear one more complaint about the lateness of this e-mail, I swear on my life that I will beat you senseless with the "Complete Works of William Shakespeare" (and believe me, the Bard can do some serious damage) The obscene lateness was due to circumstances beyond my control...but his supreme majesty, the king of the Internet, Reilly Grant, has saved the day and enabled you all to receive the joys of QOTW this week. Just so you non-Commies know, there is a quote in this e-mail relating to the Commonwealth assembly from last week, which was an improvisation group called Improv Boston.
And without further ado... May I have the envelope please...
Congratulations to last week's winner, Karen Wolfe/Jenny's mom with her quote:
"If you're going to get the mail, wear red. It's hunting season and the neighbors might shoot you." Ah, true pearls of wisdom.
And the nominees are:
"Um, sorry. I didn't have time to do my math homework last night because I was trying on a condom." - Mariah Pepper on the "homework" assigned to all the boys after the safe-sex GSA meeting
"God is a ninja because you can't see Him, but He's everywhere. Like, you'll be walking down the street one day and he'll just drop out of a tree!" - Improv Boston
"You know how it says 'Congress(TM)' nowadays? That's because Congress is a licensed subsidiary of Disney Corporation." - Julian Hyde
"See, the SCA would slaughter me. As in 'draw and quarter me, burn the quarters, and then quench my ashes in the nearest chamber pot' slaughter me." - Andrea Lam (the SCA is the Society for Creative Anachronism)
"Intellectual masturbation." - Mr. Phillips (a physics/math teacher at Commonwealth) on higher mathematics
"It's teasing you. It wants more attention. Computers just suck at flirting, that's all." - Roswell Thomas to Fiona Boger
"See, you don't know how creepy it is until you've done it yourself. Me, I've had plenty of nightmares about being a cockroach, and I'm like that guy, Kafka, right. I wanna write about it. It's so weird, you know. It's like having an out of body experience, but you're asleep." - some guy trying really hard to impress a girl at a performance of "A Midsummer Night's Dream" at the ART (American Repertory Theatre)
"I've known you since you were fpur...you owe me."-Emily Hall to Evan McGonagill
"Duck, duck, duck...wait, what's that word?" - Brenda, during a Commonwealth girl's basketball pre-game round of Duck, Duck, Goose.
"God wears polo shirts." - Jenny Oberholtzer
So, there they are, folks! Enjoy, and don't forget to vote by Friday!
Liz "brazen hussy, shameless wench, foul vixen" Weisman
