March 14, 2004:
Hello, far-flung QOTWites!This week started off heady and glorious and full of possibility, all waiting to be written down on a folded Benorlinesque piece of looseleaf paper. Alas, the possibility somewhat trickled away as a sizable chunk of you ventured off on vacations and exchanges and the like, leaving the remains of the QOTW constituency feeling much the same as my school-issue Granny Smith apple: gummy and depressed. Nevertheless, we have soldiered on to bring you this week's batch of piping hot wit and wisdom. Without further ado...
Last week's winner was determined only after a battle of positively epic proportions. Climbing over the battered body of the democratic process on its way to the awards podium, the winner is Josh's quote: "I've been known to take chivalry to the point of abuse." Congratulations, Josh! Your perseverance at holding doors open is formidable indeed.
This week's nominees are:
"Isn't this the kind of thing that gives children in Japan epilepsy?" - Miller, on the teeny font in his copy of Heart of Darkness
"Most things are more endearing when they're guilty -- except for Martha Stewart and axe murderers." - Cori
"There is no future in telemarketing -- unless you were to suddenly turn Indian..." - Julian
"You can give them as gifts, insulate your house with them..." - Josh, trying desperately to sell off his fundraising grapefruits
"I hate to scold you for doing stupid things, but there seems to be an epidemic." - Mr. Wharton
"I'm beginning to think that liberal guilt is one of the most powerful forces in history." - Alex
"If you don't know, then you know you know, and you can look it up." - Mr. Sherry
"In the beginning they all had those little bowl haircuts -- then they developed personalities." - Ms. Folkman, on the Beatles
"So I was at an event recently where both Hillary Clinton and Dick Cheney were speaking -- oh, hell, add another person and put them on a boat and you've really got a joke." - Kevin Knobloch, of the Union of Concerned Scientists
"I want to glaze this pot a color that is vibrant...something that makes girls say, 'How manly, yet nurturing.'" - Norris
Now, doesn't that make you want to become an active voter? Granted, it's not quite the same as real voting...no curtained-off stalls or surly registration women or anything like that...but it's still quite a lot of fun. If you don't know how, simply visit http://www.qotw.net/~qotw/howtovote.html to figure it out. Voting closes at 5:00 pm on Friday, so act now!
One last thing: signing up for Honorable Mentions really does make you cooler. Quantifiably cooler. Go on, then...
Yours most sincerely,
Becca "murderization: like tenderization, only less cuddly" Thal
March 14, 2004: Honorable Mentions
For those of you clever enough to have signed up for Honorable Mentions long ago, I bring you the quotes that didn't quite make it:"Let's face it: every day other than March 8 is international men's day." - Ms. Jackman, on the significance of International Women's Day
"I really want to believe there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but I think it's an oncoming train." - Larry
"Actually, a firebombing may have significantly improved my chances of getting into college." - Ms. Nulty, on the cause of a sudden drop in applications the year she applied
"But I'd take very good care of him! I'd feed him, and walk him daily, and bring him to Rome when the Pope died..." - Alex, making the case for keeping a cardinal as a pet
"Have you ever seen plastic fruit? Real plastic fruit?" - Ms. Folkman
"I think 'beginning to understand Joyce' is synonymous with 'depressing as hell.'" - Becca
"I am not a vector, I am a free man!" - Julian
"I dreamed I was a beer commercial -- I was a bunch of cowboys drinking." - Sam
That is all.
- Becca "banking on my laziness is always a solid investment" Thal
