May 16, 2004:
Voters:Last week's winner was "I hope that's ETS issue gum." -Ms. Carter, on the distribution of chewing gum during the English AP.
Apologies to Commonwealth students and faculty for this email's lack of quotes from Hancock. There are too many funny things said during Hancock weekend; it's impossible to distill it to ten quotes.
This week's Nominees:
"I forgot Mother's Day, so I made repentant French toast. It tasted of guilt." -Becca Thal
"In order to graduate from Columbia everyone has to take a swimming test... except the engineers. We think it's best to keep them out of the water." -Admissions lady at Columbia
"The IRS sent me 81 dollars. I'm not sure why they did it, but it certainly gives me a good first impression." -Gabe Billings
"I need a non-sentimental, hard-hearted soul... Nate!" -Ms. Folkman
"Please stand for the Djibouti national anthem. 'Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Shake Djibouti." -Julian Hyde
"They used to have wine at the teacher's table. Those were the good days, back before lawsuits." -Mr. Phillips, on lunch at Commonwealth School
"There's this other girl at Brandeis named Jen, and she was like, 'We're twins!' and I was like, 'Actually, that is the one thing that twins would not share.'" -Jenn Orlin
"The hunter becomes the hunted... the negligent becomes the neglected... the driver becomes the driven, in the new Honda A6." -Roz Thomas
"Does anyone want brownies? They have nuts in them. They're really an assassination attempt." -Nora Rojas
"So you'll drop all the balls that come to you! That's what baseball's all about. It's about failing in the spotlight." -Dylan, trying to persuade someone to play baseball
Remember to be an active QOTW member! Sign up for Honorable Mentions by sending an email to honorablementions-subscribe@qotw.net, and vote for this week's quotes using the procedure at www.qotw.net/~qotw/howtovote.html. Remember: sloth is one of the seven deadly sins, whereas active QOTW participation is one of the five pillars of Islam. You do the math.
-Quote of the Week
May 16, 2004: Honorable Mentions
"I don't get the bit about teachers working too hard. They should suck it up and start slacking. If they can't slack, they should grow some backbone." -Julian"They didn't want to lose to Gerald Ford, who kept bumping into things and forgetting where he was." -Roz, on the Democrats choosing a presidential candidate in 1968
"Becca didn't think she needed Jesus until she nearly died in a freak dishwashing accident. Can Christianity save her in time?" -Becca Thal
"Just make it up! We won't call you on it!" -Julian, trying to persuade Mr. Phillips to convert the Physics class into a history of science class for the last few weeks of the year
"Call it 'debunking the myths of science.'" -Miller, in response to Julian
"Most of you guys have been trained--like monkeys--to think that imaginary numbers mean nothing." -Phillips
"Do not change your sleeping quarters without my knowledge, or I will--who, who!--chase you down and make you sleep in the woods." -Mr. Riahi, on being Hancock "night owl", responsible for making sure all the students are in bed on time
"Dear Madam, he is too good for you. By the power vested in me by the state of Massachusetts, I break you two up." -Julian, on what it would be like if the Massachusetts government were allowed to deny marriage licenses to ill-matched couples
"This is a very tricky one to solve, but you can do it. Well, you can't do it; I can do it." -Mr. Phillips, to his Physics 1 class
"Who is the greater fool: the fool, or the fool who dates him?" -Alex
"If you're ever being sassed by the mafia, don't yell, 'Prohibition's over! Get over it!' They take it personally." -Julian
"I'm not too observant today. At least I'm better than Owen, who just asked me what town boasts claim to 'Belmont Hill.'" -Jenn Orlin. Belmont Hill is in Belmont.
"Why settle for murder when you can have assassinations?" -Max Cohen, advertising "The Manchurian Candidate"
"Give me a second while I use Google as an extension of my brain." -Julian Hyde
"I wonder if my chromosomes are friends...." -Evan McGonagill
"When did tarring and feathering go out of style?" -Josh Haselkorn
"It's Fitzgerald's best. If you fall in love with it and want to read more--forget it! You're going to be disappointed. The other novels are horrible." -Ms. Bluestein, on The Great Gatsby
"'Wild, unknown men.' These people don't sound like 'my sophomore roommate from Duluth', but they are." -Ms. Bluestein
"The problem with being the comic relief is that you don't get any on-screen kissing scenes." -Andrea Lam
"I can't poke you. You're too tiny and frail. I would crush you!" -Greta Friar
"Poodles are the most noble of beasts." -Julian
"No math concept is worth all this anguish." -Anonymous student
"I've never been asked in Truth or Dare. I feel as if I'm missing out on some great American rite of passage." -Andrea Lam
"It's mutual Stockholm Syndrome." -Alex George, on his relationship with Joanna Rifkin. Stockholm Syndrome is the attraction of a hostage to the captor who has spared his or her life.
Special recognition this week goes to Julian, who had at least three top-notch quotes, but was limited to one nominee, as per QOTW regulations. (Specifically, the "Mr. Young Clause" of the QOTW Constitution prevents any one person from being nominated with multiple quotes in one week.)
-QOTW Management
