October 26, 2003:
Dearest Quotificators:Ding dong the witch is dead! Well, no, not really, but the New York Yankees are dead. The Florida Marlins prevailed to steal the World Series away from the devil incarnate (George "The Boss" Steinbrenner). But you don't really care for baseball, do you.
In other news, my mathematical genius has given me several wonderments: the limit as Keanu Reeves approaches emotion does not exist in that very special negative infinity way. Also derrived from complex mathematical algorithmic methods was the winner of last week's balloting:
"Don't try this at home kids. It's all fun and games until someone gets poked in the eye and then it's fun you can't see." - The Whip Boy at King Richard's Faire
Personally, Harry Alper should have won, but I'm like the CIA, I set up evil pseudo-democratic governments and let the people elect some harsh demagogue without influencing the results.
Oh well, the past is past and this week we have ten new bizarre, comical, pressure-cooked quotes just for you.
THE (ahem) NOMINEES:
"One person called Haliburton George Bush's Monica Lewinsky. I don't even understand that; I mean who's doing what to whom?" -Tom Hayden
"I don't own history; I just rent it out at very high rates" -Mr. Young
"I'll give you extra credit for your name, but only if you get it right" -Mr. Sherry
"When you dissociate your past self from your present and future selves things get screwed up. you don't get your homework done" -Orlin
"Would it be a cheap shot to suggest that [Red Sox star, Nomar Garciappara's, fiancé, American soccer superstar,] Mia Hamm is to the Red Sox, what Yoko Ono was to the Beatles? Probably, so let's not do that" -Dan Shaughnessy, revered Boston Globe sports columnist
"The panel of judges decided that Patrick's cake tasted better than his competitor" -writing skills sentence from the PSAT/NMSQT (a.k.a. more proof of the existence of Satan)
"I know squirrels that look a lot like you" -Mr. Davis, to Alex
"Remember, relationships that are formed on the couch, die on the couch" -Matt Kraning, to Alex
"I have an obsessive relationship with sleep. We need to start seeing other people" -Roz
"No, in middle school I didn't smoke dope with the other kids. no, not until high school." -Mr. Harsanyi, on growing up in Berkeley in the '60's and '70's
Remember, voting ends 5:00 PM on Friday and all ballots must conform to the standards set by the management. For a list of rules and regulations:
http://www.qotw.net/~qotw/howtovote.html
-Ben "it's not whether you win or lose; it's whether or not you beat the spread" Miller
October 26, 2003: Honorable Mentions
Ah, friends, Romans, countrypersons of nonspecific gender. dontcha' just love the smell of warm roasting nuts. Me neither.For other great tangents, take calculus. In the mean time, this week's HONORABLE MENTIONS, or in most romance languages:
les menciones honorablessyou (just don't ask what the German is):
"Well, we weren't talking about it" -Mr. Harsanyi, on why he hadn't revealed that his father had shared the 1994 Nobel Prize in Economics with John Nash
"They were a fairly small terrorist group; they only managed to kill a few people" -Mr. Harsanyi, on Weather Undergound, the final radical vestiges of the SDS
"To me, it's hard to understand why anyone would want to glorify the '70's" -Mr. Harsanyi
"I'm dainty" -Roz
"No, I'm going to be selfish and keep all my enlightenment to myself" -Micheline
"God's Grandeur rearranges to spell Rare Dogs' Dung" -Orlin, trying to dig deeper on an poem
"I decided that getting raped by a drug dealer was not a good use of my Columbus Day weekend" -Cori
"When Tali leaned over, I was never sure how she got back up" -Cori, on Tali Machnes
"I'm wearing a green kilt; I need to keep it on" -Cameron, on her denim overcoat
"It's like: you have a choice, but, really, you don't. Is ABC, NBC, or CBS really a choice? Well, yeah, the female broadcasters look different" -Tom Hayden, on freedom
"She's from Texas; she got out okay" -Tom Hayden, on his assisstant
"Dallas. I've seen it on TV" - Tom Hayden
"He didn't die. He went to Texas" -Wesley Morgan
"Who needs romance when you can have death?" -Andrea Lam, on inspiration
Now go on with the rest of your break. For the rest of you sad, pathetic people that aren't students at Commonwealth (a.k.a. Mick Jagger's Salt of the Earth), have fun working your buttocks* off.
-Ben "peace, love, dope, now get the hell outta' here!" Miller (brownie points for those of you who get the reference)
*butˇtock
n.
1.
a. Either of the two rounded prominences on the human torso that are posterior to the hips and formed by the gluteal muscles and underlying structures.
b. The analogous part of the body on certain mammals.
2. buttocks The rear pelvic area of the human body.
[Middle English, from Old English buttuc, strip of land, end. See bhau- in Indo-European Roots.]
