January 31, 2004:
Voters:QOTW would like to issue a formal apology for its pathetic behavior during the past month. There's no real excuse; QOTW just got lazy and forgetful and neglected to send out some emails. But we're very, very sorry. Yes, we mean it; we feel really bad.
This email is a rerun of victorious quotes from weeks past. It represents the preliminary stage of the world-renowned Quote of the Year tournament, wherein the best quotes of the 2003-2004 season will compete for prestigious Quotee (TM) awards. The top three quotes from this round will advance to the Quote of the Year Championship.
And remember, voters, you have to vote. That's why we call you voters. QOTW has the worst voter turnout of any democracy in history. A single ballot in a QOTW election means more than five hundred ballots for Howard Dean. Check out the web site at www.qotw.net to see how to vote.
And now the QUOTE OF THE YEAR NOMINEES:
"Auntie Em! Auntie Em! There's a cornfield! Let's have a civilization!" -Mr. Young, on early agriculture and the birth of civilization
"I learned there's more to Mongolia than yaks. In fact, there aren't any yaks in Mongolia." -Eric the freshman, on meeting someone from Mongolia
"I want it to be unclear whether I intend to liberate Josh or eliminate his cost." -Julian Hyde, on his "Free Josh" sign
"This yogurt was so good, if I were a smoker, I'd need a cigarette." -Johan
"$50 REWARD FOR RETURN OF VIRGIN NO QUESTIONS ASKED" -A sign in Cardullo's Grocery
"And they're coming during Passover, so if you're Jewish you can take them to temple! What an exciting experience for people whose ancestors kicked out the Jews! It could be vengeance." -Frederique, on hosting Spanish exchange students
"Don't try this at home, kids. It's all fun and games until someone gets poked in the eye, and then it's fun you can't see." -The Whip Boy at King Richard's Faire
"Remember, relationships that are formed on the couch, die on the couch." -Matt Kraning, to Alex George
"You can't spell Zhou Dynasty without 'O, nasty!" -Daniel Carlyon
"Now don't go getting any ideas--you're like Cupid on speed sometimes." -Nora, to Roz
"Have you ever wondered why your people were oppressed for 2000 years? This is why." -Ben Orlin, on the Jewish song Dayenu
"We could be Hell's Mermaids." -Roz, proposing a name for a Commonwealth biker-gang
Voting ends Friday at 5:00 pm.
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-Quote "of the" Week
