January 5, 2003:
QOTW voters:Welcome to 2003, which I will declare, using the power vested in me by you, the voters, as The Year of the Quotation Taken Out of Context. I will also refer to all of you as "the voters" because it sounds like you voted for me or something.
You'll notice (or maybe you won't) that this email is coming to you from a different address than previously (that is, assuming this isn't your first week as a QOTW voter). That is because my old email address committed suicide earlier today. It was quite the tragedy and has struck me deeply, but I am confident Quote of the Week shall be able to continue without a hitch.
Several of you are new to voting this week, so let me explain the history and procedure (veteran voters will want to skip this paragraph).
At some point last year, the notion struck me to run a "Quote of the Week" award out of my profile on AOL instant messenger. Julian won that historic first week, and I decided to continue it for the next week. And the next. And into sophomore year. To make a long story short, what began as a big joke has managed to flower and develop into an even bigger joke. Several weeks ago, QOTW (that's Quote Of The Week for the cretins out there who haven't figured it out already) made the jump from my profile to a full-scale email newsletter. It works like this: I email you each week, usually on a Friday night or a Saturday morning, with humorous or insightful quotes from the last week in history (although I limit nominees to people I personally know. It's my award, after all), and you, the voters, list the nominees in order of preference. Then send the list back to me so I can tally the votes (it'd be really stupid if you just kept your votes to yourself). QOTW uses an Instant Runoff Voting system, designed to ensure that the best quote is chosen each week.
Last week's winner was Ms. Jackman in the closest vote in memory. She won with her quote of "It's like 'The Joy of Sex', only better," describing 'The Joy of Knitting.'
This week's award is a little unorthodox in two ways: first, it includes quotes from the past two weeks, making it "Quote of the Vacation" instead of "Quote of the Week." Second, as per request of LitMag officials, I've included an anti-Leek/pro-LitMag quote to level the playing field after I included an anti-LitMag/pro-Leek quote in last week's award. This quote, admittedly, did not occur during the two weeks in question, but as I always say, "What the hell, it's my award."
Please note that all opinions expressed in these quotes are not necessarily the opinions of QOTW as a whole. Although most of them are. (And to those who are directly insulted in the following quotes, consider it preparation for the kind of criticism you'll have to endure once you're president.)
So, first, here are this week's Honorable Mentions (which I provide youfor your enjoyment, but for which you CANNOT vote):
"Egotistical bastard with outward communication and expression issues." -Ben Miller, on Josh Haselkorn
"Better to be an expensive prostitute than a cheap one." -Aar
"A narcotics agent learns what it's like to be the life of the party." -My Dad, making up a synopsis for a film entitled "Whiffs" during a game of 'Beyond Balderdash'
"My older sister was never there for me." -Alex George, whose only sibling is his brother Ben
And, finally, I bring you this week's NOMINEES:
"Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between someone who's drunk and someone who's been roleplaying." -Alex George
"I'd like to see William outside after announcements." -Kate Alper
"Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking." -Jennie the Winchesterite
"We want your butt to be squashy, and peer pressure is everything." -Joanna Rifkin, to Dewey Cyr
Now available is the complete 2002 QOTW List, featuring every winner, nominee, and honorable mention from the year 2002, organized by topic. If you're interested, I can email it to you as an attachment (if you have Microsoft Word) or give you a hard copy on request.
IF YOU WISH TO BE REMOVED FROM THIS EMAIL LIST, SEND ME AN EMAIL TELLING ME SO. BET YOU COULDN'T HAVE FIGURED OUT THAT LITTLE BUREAUCRATIC ODDITY ON YOUR OWN.
-Ben "Your Favorite Nickname Here" Orlin
