December 8, 2002:
As all of you are (hopefully) aware, I get really bored from time to time. (This may be due to the fact that I have no life, but I prefer not to read too much into it). As a corollary to this fact, I tend to try to remember funny things other people say. Sometimes I even write them down. From this tendency of mine has sprung the Official Aar Orlin Quote of the Week Award, handed out each week to the person whose quote most captures the five Aar Orlin criteria, which I will make up here (and by handed out, I mean "I put their name in my profile"):1. Funny/of a humorous nature
2. Insightful/deep/involving oyster crackers
3. Of a humorous nature/funny
4. Spoken by someone fitting the description "fourth grader" (this criterion is optional)
5. Heard by me during the week in question
So you see, we (and by "we", I do mean "me") set our standards quote high here at QOTW. So high that, up until now, we have held innumerable (23) weekly awards without taking into account the opinions of other people--such is the importance to us of choosing the very best, and of weilding our power with as much tyranny and unfairness as possible.
However, having gotten a taste of popularity after wearing Liz's purse for a day (namely, Friday), we decided to open up voting to all--and, in a radical break from tradition, I will actually choose the quote that gets the most votes. But before I list this week's nominees, let me lay down a few rules:
1. Just because your name is listed twice in the email list does NOT mean that you get two votes. What it actually means is that I forget which address you prefer, and am sending this email to both, as a precaution. You should tell me which one to send future emails to.
2. I reserve the right to break ties with my own vote.
3. If you don't read this email until after voting closes (11:59 pm on Sunday), or if you neglect to vote until after that deadline, that's tough luck for you.
4. Vote by responding (to this address) with the quote you wish to vote for as the body of the email, and "Quote of the Week, (Date)" on the subject line.
5. (This space reserved in case I need to make up another rule later on).
So, without further ado, the...
NOMINEES FOR THE WEEK ENDING SUNDAY, DECEMBER 8:
"Can't you control your appendages?" -Mr. Davis, to Roz
"Only at Commonwealth do people apply chemical bonding principles to their personal lives." -Roz
"And if a freshman boy asks you out, be very careful." -Mr. Wharton, to Hillary F.G., after she revealed that an anonymous freshman boy was her second cousin
"Julian, you look like Hitler!" -Kate
"We don't hate your story, we just hate you!" -Mr. Davis, to Jon Kominsky
"We've come up with a new euphemism for death: taking the midnight train to Ipswich." -Julian
IF YOU WISH TO BE REMOVED FROM THIS MAILING LIST, TELL ME SO. (BET YOU COULDN'T HAVE FIGURED THAT LITTLE BUREAUCRATIC ODDITY OUT ON YOUR OWN.)
-Ben "Aar" "Deion" "Borlin" "Small Little Friar" Orlin
